The weekend

Dear Diary,

My 'friends' and I booked a weekend near the sea. So I could have some 'me-time' and some air. We stayed at a bungalow a few miles away from the sea. We rented some bikes, so we could go the beach. 
It all started bad. One of us was late, hadn't eat breakfast so we stopped at a McDonalds. She wanted to eat it in the car, the driver and owner of the car was not pleased. She warned my other friend to watch out and not spill something. You can guess what happend next....
Right, she spilled some in the car, a new car. My friend was pissed and that set the mood for the rest of the weekend. We were all on edge after that.


We tried to stay positive and have fun. It took more than an hour to get there. We put our stuff away, sorted the rooms ( I got to stay with the spiller) and then rented the bikes. We put on our bathing suits and went to the beach. The beach was not as close as the advertisement said. It was quite a ride, but a beautiful one.


We first wanted to drink and eat something, so we went to the nearest restaurant and ordered some food and drinks. We started talking about stuff, they didn't really want to upset me I think, so they talked about other stuff. I did not felt right, sitting there. There still was some tension. 
When I was talking about something (don't even remember what I was talking about), 'Spiller' talked over me. She took over the conversation. It was not the first time she had done this. It is really her thing to do. So I stopped talking and said to her that she could talk. She was offended by me.. She.. was.. offended.. by me??

Really? I did not want to start an arguement, so I stopped. I wanted to enjoy my time at the beach and the weekend. The other girls tried to talk about something else and then we went to beach. 


On the way back, she started it again. I told her that it was impolite of her to talk over me, she does it everytime and I'm fed up with it. She was pissed at me, and told me she also may express her feelings. She could not understand my point of view. She did not understand. I stopped talking and rode harder on my bike.


I went to bed early, she was still mad at me and tried to talk to me. She did not give me room to breath. I think she forgot what I went through, her own issues were more important. She was being egotistical. 
I yelled at her and cried really hard. I thought she was a bad friend at the moment.

We argued some more and then I gave up, I then realised that she would never get me.. She would only understand what she wants to understand. That was the moment I realised she was not really my friend, but I just said goodbye to my best friend, I didn't want to say goodbye to another. 

I went along with her, told her I am sorry, she said sorry and all was well. But in the back of my mind I knew our friendship was broken.


The weekend was long and exhausting. I came back more exhausting than I was. 

I'm never going to do this again! Grieving is hard and lonely.